I really enjoyed writing my Blog entries. I started writing them for several reasons. It was somewhere that I could store thoughts and things that I had done, somewhere for me to look back over to show myself how I had progressed. It was something that people could read who may be in a similar situation and maybe make them try to do things. It was somewhere that I could tell of my activities in the hope that others may also try to push themselves to try new things and it was where I could advertise my “challenges” to raise money for charities that have assisted me in the hope that people would donate. When I wrote a new entry I would post that a new Blog entry had been written and I would be able to see how many people had looked. I have written about many different things but as I am not a writer I know that they could be worded better or even be a more interesting read but something that I have come to notice is that positive titles get a lot less looks than posts which are not. It is a sad fact that people seem to be more interested in someone’s bad luck, distress or disappointment than when they are doing well or accomplishing things that they never thought possible. I saw also that a post to say that I had unfortunately been struck with bad luck and that I could not attempt one of my “challenges” was looked at by just under 1000 (one THOUSAND) people. ONE THOUSAND people took time out of their day to look at the post. If each one of those ONE THOUSAND people had been kind enough to click on the link to my donation page and donated just ONE POUND, I would have raised nearly ONE THOUSAND POUNDS to help other wounded, injured and sick service people. My page had to close as it had been open for two years and at the close I had raised only £300. As some of the donations had been for £40 and generally £10 it was, whilst very much appreciated, very disappointing and actually to a degree quite upsetting. Upsetting in the fact that if those ONE THOUSAND people dropped a pound coin whilst out in town in the dark, they would not even try to look for it. I know that donating money is a personal choice but it was the fact that a thousand people could take the time to read about bad luck that had caused me to have to abandon something because it was a negative thing. I will still be attempting Ben Nevis and Scarfell Pike later in the year to try to raise money for the charities and thank those who did donate.
I really liked the idea of trying to be involved with racing. I loved driving before I was paralysed and really wanted to get involved in it. I found an organisation that did it and gave some of my time assisting them as I really wanted to try to race. This did not happen and seeing others having that opportunity was disheartening, the only option therefore was to stop contact with them. Not to give up I tried another avenue which was nothing short of amazing, truly adrenaline rushing incredible challenging fun. I struggle to put in to words just how this made me feel. Unfortunately though, after calming down and really thinking about it, it would not be fair of me to pursue this as it is a team that relies on each other and I would be a weak link, costing them time and undoing hard work. I therefore “stepped” away from that too. I am getting in touch with another avenue but I am not hopeful on that either. I am however going to concentrate on my microlighting which may resume this week!
For 14 years I was in the Territorial Army. 14 years interacting with many other members of the Battalion and training many from other cap badges too. So many exercises both home and abroad, operational tours and courses too. So many people, a lot of which I thought I was close friends with. Something else that has been really disheartening is the fact that the people who have stayed in touch could be counted on one hand. I remember after our first tour of Afghanistan whilst on a day out I received a call from a distraught Wife. Their husband had broken down and had caused damage to the house, she was beside herself and after my family agreeing with me, I turned the car around and got back to their house as fast as I could. My family left me there for a while as I tried to help. That was in my mind what we did for each other. My phone was never off and people could call me night or day if they needed to, this is what I though we did for each other. Clearly I was wrong, and as hurtful as that is I have carried on. I have met others who are wounded, injured and sick and it is those whom I have met only once or twice or maybe some of them more, that offer help and keep in touch which is great, but makes you wonder why those you have know for ten years or more don’t bother. It can only be that they were associates and that it is time that I accept that in those 14 years, the friends that I had are those who stayed in touch.
So this entry is not a cheerful one. I could easily continue on and bore you even more with other things but I’m not going to. I see people on the social media whining about things, people complaining about not being able to go out, about how their nights were ruined by getting caught in the rain and other equally pathetic things and I can’t help but think that some people really need to pull their heads out from their asses and get a fucking grip. People complaining about menial things making me want to find them and slap them upside the head and tell them to stop being such a prick. Doubtless there will be people who have read this and thought about doing the same to me, maybe they should. I make light of this life of mine, and I constantly say that there is always someone worse off than yourself and this is true. There are people who have lost their legs and whilst it may upset or anger people, I would trade them in a heartbeat. Having no legs is far better than having legs that hinder and a body that doesn’t work. I am grateful that my arms and hands work, they at least allow me to fly but if my body worked and I had no legs, I would be able to do the other things that I really wanted to do. Am I ungrateful? Maybe.
So the title of this entry;” First and probably last.” What does that mean. Well, it is the first entry of 2016 and probably the last that I will write and publicly advertise. It has not achieved what I wanted it to as far as the public side of things goes with regards to certainly fundraising, although it has been very successful in advertising the Terrain Hopper Overlander. I have been contacted by people from as far afield as New Zealand, the United States, the Czech Republic and Australia asking about how I get on with my Overlander and their disbelief in where I have been in it. At least it has helped those people to know that they can get out and enjoy the outdoors.
So is this me feeling sorry for myself? Read in to it what you will. This is me writing down things that have happened, things that I have thought about and things that thoroughly piss me off. If you have read it, great, thanks. It follows no logical path, has nothing really to say and is pretty much incomplete but since I have noticed that people for the most part are more interested in someone else’s low points I have simply struggled to write anything. For those who have paid an interest, thanks. For those who have donated, thank you.
Enjoy your year.