Cuddles.

Got up earlier this morning compared to yesterday, even though it was 02.30 before I finished watching the episodes of NCIS I had on Sky plus. I wrote a list yesterday of stuff I needed to do today, which mainly consisted of phone calls. So, after breakfast and the usual tablet, I got on the phone to start ticking things off of the list.

First was a real important one, inform my surgeons receptionist that it would not be a good idea for me to have the operation to remove the metal form my arm until after the 20th October because of my skydive. She was really chatty when she heard I was doing the jump, she told me of the one she did out of Dunkerswell, reckoned it was amazing at that I would love it. She let me know as well that an appointment letter had gone out and that the date was after the jump. Good news and the first thing was ticked off of the list.

Next was the call back to the spinal unit. I`m glad I did, the secretary let me know that the consultant had not come back to her after my call yesterday and that she did not believe he was in today. Long story short though, she called me back to say that my Doctor at my local surgery should prescribe me something but that she would get the consultant to call the Doctor to let him know. So, now the question was firmly planted in my head, what the hell do I need a consultant for. This has been the final nail in the coffin for me and so that led me to write another thing on the list.

After several other menial taskings and some e mails out to various places, I had a snack lunch with my youngest who was back from nursery. Then, later in the afternoon, I called my friend and said I was popping round for a coffee. Whenever possible, we “walk” to Ilminster down the cycle path to a nice pup called The Stonemasons, it’s about five miles which my power chair does with no problems and will get back easily, however we normally get picked up by my wife when she is collecting the kids from school. Last week I did it for the first time, under the power of me, in my manual chair. I needed a drink when we got there believe me and did I ever sleep well that night! Today we couldn’t go to Ilminster though so a coffee at her place was what we settled for.

The two eldest of our kids have swimming lessons, so me and my friend “walked” up to the swimming pool to meet them and watch them swim. This meant that my wife could go and get tea ready in time for us to get back. I try to get the kids to walk back whenever possible, it gives us a chance to chat and prevents wifey from having to come get us. When we get in, it’s only an hour or so before my wife goes swimming with her friend so it works out well. After she had gone swimming tonight, the kids and I sorted the dishes and clothes washing and drying and then, once we got my youngest to bed, the kids did their homework and I set about the final thing on my list.

I have decided that I am not happy with the “help” or lack of that I have received for my spinal injury and have taken the decision to write to the unit informing them of my disappointment and my desire to be removed from their patient list and referred to another where someone else I know is having much more success.

After all the bits and bobs were sorted, and the kids were in bed, wifey came home and finished up the last few things that I am unable to do. Tonight I have come to bed at the same time as my wife. I don’t normally, I’ll stay up and watch tele, read or build my models. This does mean though that my wife has to get up to put me to bed at whatever time I decide to hit the sack. Unfair really as this means she has broken sleep, but it is a nightmare for me going to bed. It’s uncomfortable when I get in because of the spasms I have, it has other massive drawbacks for me which destroy the positivity I spend all day portraying, and possibly the biggest thing for me… I miss my cuddles.

I am no longer able to lie on my side and cuddle up to my wife. I lost my civilian job, I have double vision some of the time, I can’t walk or do lots of things I used to enjoy, I can live with that. There is one thing I miss more than a lot of the other things, one of the best things in the world that is now missing in my life, that has been taken from me by someone who wouldn’t know that it’s gone and possibly wouldn’t care, and that is going to sleep cuddling my wife. You may think that is a bit of a soft thing to say, but until you can’t do it, you’ll never know what it’s like. I can tell you though, if you love your other half, it’s crap.

Goodnight all.