Hurt, bewildered and upset.

I had such an amazing day to day, up to a point.  I did my place to Ilminster in the manual chair in 1hr 25 mins and didn’t almost pass out when I got there. I went to collect the kids from school and I thought I would drop in to the supermarket to

collect one of the sponsor forms we had been allowed to put in various locations. Unfortunately, despite looking for it, the worker could not find it but would ask to see if he could locate it later. I thanked him and went back to the Chucklebus to get in and wait for the kids. My wife had met up with us after our “walk” in, by us, I am talking about my friend that I go in to Ilminster with on a Wednesday as exercise for me. After a very short time my kids arrived at the bus and got in. We went back to my bungalow in order for the two older ones to get their swimming stuff, it is Wednesday and Wednesday is swimming lesson day. My friend got in to her car and headed home and my tribe went to the swimming pool. I watched the kids do their lessons and then my wife returned to collect us when it had finished. When we got back, the normal routine of food, bath and bed clothes commenced and completed and then things turned from having a fantastic day to bringing the day to an end in such a way that I genuinely have been left struggling to find anything to smile about, anything to be positive about, any reason to look forward to anything tomorrow, hurt and probably the worst thing, an anger that I have only ever felt once before in my life. That time being when I had watched the life of a friend slip away in Afghanistan. A feeling of anger with so much hatred and aggression that I have had a bath and put myself to bed, shaking.

I asked someone if they may have any idea where the sponsor form may have been left that has been in the Supermarket canteen for a few weeks. The person replied that a female had not liked the fact that it was in the canteen and that after this had been told to all in the canteen it had dissappeared. I decided to call the female tonight just to ask if she had any idea where the sponsor form may be, to which she replied that she did not. I then offered the information that I had been given and then she started. She was saying that she did not like the fact that it was there, that she did not feel that it was fair asking people to sponsor my skydive in order to put funds towards the funds I have already saved in order to purchase the off road chair and give money back to a military charity that had helped. The verbal attack that followed left me shocked, how, why would people be thinking so badly of me. She said that customers were saying in the supermarket that they could not believe I was “begging” for money when Ihad purchased a replacement van as mine is no longer suitable, asking where the funds had come from.  Whilst people may say there is no need I just do not know what people are thinking of me now. All the time I have tried to show how positive I am being but actually, now I am worried what people are saying as I roll past, to the point I genuinely am not looking forward to my next trip in to town. I wanted to give something back so that the money could be used to help another military family in need and also to try to improve my own life a little, to let me get back out with my kids and maybe back in to the field to train troops like I used to, because no one will ever know how much I really do miss it. Outside of my family I was so lucky, because I had a whole other family who all wore the same clothing, enjoyed getting shitbound and sleeping out under the stars, and now that is all gone, now I had this to worry about as well. The closing point was when I said “I hope you never have to experience what life in a wheelchair is like”. The reply was what pushed me over the edge and put me to bed. “Well, if you hadn’t been riding your bike like a twat, you wouldn’t be in a wheelchair would you.” I want to point out at this point that even the Police report states I was travelling at less than 40mph in a 40mph limit.

I had defended this person for not rushing to see me when I first got in to hospital, depite the risk of my not surviving. I defended the person whilst others were slating her for getting married even though it had been less than 15 hours since my accident. I defended the fact that the person had an all out wedding reception. And this hurtful vocabulary, the words that I could not bring to say to my worst enemy without remorse came from…..

MY OWN BLOODY SISTER.

I am sorry you had to read this but this is what my blog is for, it is for me to vent, to let anyone who chooses to read know how I feel, how different things affect my body, my emotions and my state of mind. If I have upset any one tonight, please either accept my appology or sympathy or on the other hand, thank your lucky stars that your family is not like mine.

Goodnight.