Something else to test my sense of humour and determination.

As you will recall, on Friday of last week we took delivery of our Motability car which had been converted for me to drive and that I was so excited to have had something go my way and give me some normality back. Something that would give me a huge part of my life back, some more independence. I had to call DVLA as I had not been sent my driving license back and I wanted to know if I would be able to drive. DVLA asked me if I had been told that I could not drive to which I replied “No”. They informed me then that I would be ok to drive until I had received any other instruction from DVLA. As I like to be honest and do things properly I called my Doctor and asked for a call back and gave the secretary the reason why, that being that I wanted to ask him if there was any reason I could not drive an adapted car just to be sure. She told me she would get the Doctor to call but would be late in the afternoon which was not a problem, until I had spoken to him I would not drive, although I could according to DVLA.

In the evening my Doctor called me and I told him about my calling DVLA and that I just wanted to ask him his opinion on me driving. He asked me several questions about my vision and my spasms and also about my medication, if it made me drowsy. After answering the questions honestly he told me that he saw no reason why I should not be able to drive. As you can imagine I was over the moon, such an amazing feeling knowing that I would be able to drive, to go on my own to places but I did not get straight in to the car at first opportunity, I waited until the next day and I drove to the truck show at Yeovil show ground. My Wife drove home and the next time I drove was over to the TA Centre in Taunton, I took Paul for a change which was nice and even in the dark I was confident and happy. I told my Wife how chuffed I was and was so pleased with myself I actually told everyone on Facebook, (as sad as that may seem or actually be), but I did not care because I was so happy that I had that freedom back I could not begin to describe it to you.

Today I got some mail, insurance certificate for the Galaxy and a letter from DVLA, at last my license is being returned. I will once again have the card with the convict looking photograph on with my LGV entitlement removed as I had surrendered it. But wait, there didn’t seem to be any rigid areas in the envelope. The envelope was just paper. Not to worry, this is probably them writing to say that I am not allowed to ride a motorcycle. I started reading the letter and then I re read it, and re read it again. I can not begin to tell you the disappointment, I could actually feel my face turn down wards. I actually felt something draining out of me. This could not be right, so I called DVLA and spoke to a guy who clarified but did not know the reason why. The reason for what? some of you may be wondering but I would guess you have all already figured it out. DVLA have revoked my license meaning it is against the law for me to drive. I now have to get a license application form and fill it out and send it DVLA, they will then send me a medical form which I have to get my Doctor to fill out. This is the very Doctor who filled out the last form. He will then send the form back to DVLA who will take up to 12 weeks to asses the form again and decide if I can drive or not. I have made an appointment to see my Doctor on Tuesday as instructed by DVLA. So I am going to take an appointment space that would be needed for someone that is unwell to discuss why he thinks that DVLA have come to the conclusion that I am unfit to drive despite him telling me that he saw no reason that I would not be able to.

Throughout the last two years or so I have had a major accident.

Had a number of operations.

Been told I will never walk again.

Had operations to remove metal work.

Had zero rehab from one of the best spinal units in the UK (allegedly).

Tried to encourage others in the spinal unit and watch people who were told they would not walk do exactly that, and hide the jealousy and envy I had.

I have fought like hell to get some physio and taught myself everything I am able to do now.

I have done something which I did not think I would be able to do to raise money for charity which made me want to set up a charity or organisation.

Despite all of the hurdles and walls I have had to endure I have made a joke and dealt with it. Despite the harsh, hurtful and downright disgusting things my so called sister and mother have said and done I have laughed it off and cracked on. With the crap that HMRC have given me about the organisation I have been trying so hard to set up and the abseil that I have been trying so desperately to do for charity being messed up because everyone shits a brick when you say you are disabled. Still I have still pushed on, found an irony or something funny about it knowing that at some point something will have to go my way as there is simply no way that any one person can have so much go wrong or go against them and then I get to drive and it has all just faded in to insignificance. That is until today.

I have never asked for sympathy. I’m in a wheelchair, bastard luck but there are people worse off than me. I have not asked for pity nor do I want it, pity those who have nothing better to do in their lives than complain about someone or something, people who write on the social network sites that their life is shit because they have had something go wrong even though they walk, run, drive and change their own light bulbs in the house. Pity those people who have to be the centre of attention, those who can not go through life without trying to upset others or simply have to portray themselves as being a victim. These are the people who need your sympathy and pity, not I. I have not asked for people to wait on me. Sure there are things that I am unable to do and I have not been afraid to ask for help on these occasions but believe me when I say that the help has not always been forthcoming but I have always been appreciative of those who have come to my aid. I want to live as full and independent life as possible and help others where I am able and this is one other thing that drives me on. But is it too much to ask for just one thing to go right? Is it so bad to want for your own flesh and blood to support you? Is it so bad to want to be able to go away for a week with friends who get the sense of humour? Is it so bad to want to be able to take yourself somewhere without having to ask a friend if they would like to go somewhere with you but they would have to take a day off of work to do it meaning that it is one day less that they would have with their families to go out? Is it so bad to want things to be as close to what they were before the accident as they can be? And is it so bad to want lady luck to look down on me and say “Fair play, you have dealt with everything you’ve had thrown at you so far so have a day off”? Clearly it is.

I have read over the words I written so far and it does sound as if I am feeling sorry for myself which is the one thing I do not want. I want for you the reader to sit and think of your day, your week and even your year if needed and remember the days that you have thought that “life is shit” and compare. It really annoys me when I read or hear people say those words or complain that they have to walk from the far end of the car park as there are no parking spaces closer. I wish people would have a look around and know that actually there are a lot of people who would gladly trade places. People who can not be bothered to walk 200 meters round the corner and are grossly overweight because of it, and not because of a medical condition, frankly piss me off. I hate that I have got big, as I know many of my disabled friends are, and I can not shift it. I hardly eat and push myself almost everywhere only using my power chair when I absolutely have to so, do something about it, I wish I could go for a walk or run and burn off the fat. And believe me, I would love to walk from the furthest car parking space in the car park. Before you announce to the world that your life is shit, think of others in the world. If after doing this your life as you see it is still shit, bloody well do something about it and stop sodding bitching about it. ┬áIf I have offended anyone by what I have written, tough shit, I say this because if I have offended you then some of what I have written obviously applies to you and to that end it should make you want to change. If you know that it applies to you but you are not bothered then you only have yourself to blame for what ever it is that applies and you deserve everything you get. If you take nothing from this Blog entry just please take this; Things which you take for granted can be taken from you in a heartbeat. If you have to walk that bit further then walk it because tomorrow you may not be able to!

Good afternoon all.

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