Three years on. You may not like this.

George in his bike gear.

Me with my Gixxer 750 and my bike gear my Wife got me for my Birthday 2010.

It is 18.07 as I start to write this, which means three years ago I was lying on a road waiting for medical assistance after someone had pulled in to the path of my motorcycle while I was on my home from work. Fortunately I am unable to remember it, unfortunately though I will never be able to forget it happened.

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Three years on and I am still fighting, fighting the pain that I have from so many parts of my body, some of which prevent me from doing things properly or at all, but all of which I have learnt to hide. I am constantly fighting back the tears when my shoulders give out or my spasms hurt me so much that I don’t know how to ignore them. I constantly go over and over the statements from my accident trying to jog any memories of the collision but end up remembering nothing and failing to understand why. I think of new challenges I can set myself to raise money for the charities that have helped me as I am not somone who believes in take only. I try to keep busy and write about things I do in the hope that it may help someone to realise that they can do things if they try.

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My skydive, 10 months after leaving hospital and by no means capable of doing much for myself. October 2012.

I have fought to register as a non profit organisation so I may help others who have found themselves in a similar position to me only to be pissed around by the very Government organisation who are supposed to register it. I have approached the Somerset Road Safety Partnership team to try to organise a campaign with my motorcycle, leathers, helmet and of course me in my wheelchair, to highlight the importance of looking out for bikes and the importance of wearing the correct equipment when riding a motorcycle, and that includes scooters, I was and look at how badly injured I was so imagine if I had been wearing flip flops with shorts and tee shirt. This too was dismissed by the road safety team as they have a nice shiny sports bike and Police bikers who already go and do that which is clearly going to stay with you more than the harsh reality of a collision. Amongst a whole load of other things though I am still waiting for the day that this case will go to court to decide liability, to decide who was to blame as there is no honesty, integrity or moral courage coming from the other driver, just a steel umbrella and wall of concrete doing everything she can to protect her no claims.

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I very, very rarely allow myself to get down, I look at the things I have been able to do since my being in a wheelchair and I actively encourage people to do things. The 29th of July is just another day ordinarily, but not this year, this year is different. This year is different because as the minute hand clicks past 23.59hrs tonight, for reasons I cannot write about on here, the woman driver who has taken everything from me, is free from prosecution, free from any penalty points, from any fine, from any ban, from any blame in the eyes of the law. Before you think that she is not free from any guilt or sorrow, it has been three years since my accident and as I have already said, I am still waiting to go to court for them to decide liability.

I make no appologies for this post, for the fact that it is not upbeat, not bubbly or informative of how my rehab has gone today and the reason I am not sorry is simple. In three years I have not bitched about my situation to anyone, I have had no real reason to but today I have had the harsh realisation and reality of this situation bite me on the bits. The reality being that insurance companies don’t give a fat rats ass about anything except making money. They don’t give a shit about what I have lost, how I am affording to live and buy the things I need or how I pay my bills. The Government don’t give a crap about the insurance companies ripping people off or ignoring people who get injured and need help. The Police (an entire sentence should be here but I cannot publish for legal reasons)┬áby a frickin’ lorry driver and reserve infantry soldier. And the driver of the other vehicle doesn’t give a toss about what she has done to me or my family with her actions and is more than likely continuing her life as if nothing has happened.

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So if this entry has pissed you off or made you think differently of me then so be it, it has always been honest, and true, most of you would struggle to imagine the pain I am in daily and yet I hide it and smile. You would not be able to comprehend how I go over and over in my head even without meaning to, the statements, reports and pictures of my collision. The emotions that I have learnt to keep inside when I watch my kids playing on the beach or in the fields playing football because I can’t do what Dad’s do and play the games with them.

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My beautifull children.

Only a minority will be able to relate to seeing soldiers who are going on exercise and hiding the disapointment that I cannot join them and there are so many other things I could list,but one thing that takes some hiding, some real subduing, some real effort to push to the back of the mind and forget, is the feeling which I have only had for the last year, the ever growing anger and hatred to the person who took almost everything from me, but will NEVER be punished for it.

Tomorrow is another day.

Goodnight all.

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